Telling Traits

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Let’s arm ourselves with knowledge! I thought I’d make a sort of checklist, for traits/signs that a person is a narcissist.

This is a list both based on countless articles I’ve read, but also my own experience from years of observing a narcissist up close. (Don’t worry, I’ll soon get back to writing posts of a more emotional/personal characterโ˜บ). Here goes the list though, since knowledge is indeed power:

1.Lack of empathy. One of the biggest tell tale signs, in my experience.

2. Lack of accountability/remorse. (Nothing is EVER their fault).

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3. Exploits situations/people for their own gain.

4. Excessive need for attention. (Positive or negative. Very often leads to cheating on the partner, online or in real life).

5. Manipulative. (Uses lies, half-truths, and a variety of ways, to manipulate you emotionally).

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6. Incapable of changing their (bad) behaviours. (No amount of pleading/crying/yelling on your part will make a difference).

7. Very concerned with the imageย of themselves as wonderful people. (But when you scrape the surface you have a hard time finding good and true “core values”/actions).

8. Very hard to get close to. True intimacy, where you connect on a deeper level, is hard to achieve. You don’t get to know the “core” of them: dreams, memories, values, fears. “A feeling of emptiness” underneath their mask.

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9. Emotionally abusive. Either in overt ways: name-calling, tantrums, rage. Or in covert ways; passive aggressive behaviours, such as Silent Treatments.

10. Self-centered and selfish, to an extreme extent. Their needs will always come first. Always. This can lead to a lot of broken promises and your needs not being met. If they feel something is inconvenient for them, they simply refrain from doing it, no matter the consequences for you.

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11. Can be very charming, especially in the initial stage of the relationship, when they are prone to idealizing/love bombing you. They create a feeling that you are so special, etc. This is to hook you. Can use the words “soul mates”.

12. After a while they devalue you and then discard you. Then come back again. A Neverending cycle of Idealizing – devaluing -discarding, of you. This maddening merry-go-round can go on for your entire life, if you let it.

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13. They usually don’t let go of their victims. They can resurface weeks after you split up, suddenly so in love with you, begging for another chance. (This is called hoovering). If you accept, they will soon treat you badly and/or disappear again. This will throw you between hope and despair, heaven and hell.

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14 thoughts on “Telling Traits

  1. I read this tonight….to learn more – as I still have so much to learn about who or what they are. I needed to learn the traits that stand out as I am single and do not ever want to make that mistake again (thrice since then apparently). I could barely read the list. It took my breath. I was like 1-6 yes, 7 – not sure, 8, 9 10 yes, 11 – only at the beginning but most people found him repulsive immediately…not sure who I was looking at, 12 yes but 13 – a little the early years and by the end when he gave me my ultimatum him or my daughter…I never gave him another chance ..that decision was simple. At least I have solidified for myself that yes, I was married to one…drawn to two, possibly 3 others….Guess I will be subscribing to the lifetime version of Single in Manhattan…

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    1. Hwy again Suthrn! Glad you liked it and found this list useful. I am sorry that you had several people like this, that you were attracted to. And no, don’t subscribe to that, I am sure you will find a good guy one day! After experiencing people like these narcissists, we just need to figure out to avoid getting into a relationship with these people again… I know it’s easier said than done. Hugs ๐Ÿ™Œ

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      1. I know the feeling.. to doubt your own ability to judge a person’s character..after being with a narcissistic person. I feel that too. But I think with time that feeling will fade and we can start trusting our own instincts again.. after all, now we know more, have more experience. So we could hopefully spot a narcissistic person a little easier in the future.. but we do need time to heal. Be single as long as you feel you need to heal and find yourself again. Take care and cya around. ๐Ÿ˜Š

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      2. Hey again sorry for the late response have been working a long day again. I love that you are so creative in finding music like that.. I think everything that is creative has some healing power…music, writing, art, etc. ๐Ÿ˜Š Hugs.

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