Recycling? Didn’t know it was THIS bad? (Dating)


Am I scraping the bottom of the barrel here? Is my city of 1.5 million people really this small? Will I have to move abroad? Will I have to join the army for real, just to be able to find men? 

The other day, on the dating site, an ex of mine wrote me. He and I were together about a hundred years ago and have remained friendly ever since. Not that we see each other a lot, cause he has a busy life with several children and so on. But we chat, once in a while. He separated from the childrens’ mother a while back, so he is now on the dating site. It was fun chatting and we talked about having coffee some time (as friends!). While it was fun talking, a thought flickered in my head: “Is this where we all wind up in the end?” On the dating site, looking for new partners. There was a melancholy to that thought…  You see, a while after we had broken up, I was so happy for him, cause he made it work really well with that new woman he had met. They had a family together for 10 years or so.

And I have always thought: “Well, mr. Friendly Ex, at least one of us got to have the Happily Ever After”. And that thought was comforting. Now, he is back on the dating site….  It also made me think about how small a world it is, since he happened to find me there. The thought hit me, like “Is the universe trying to send me a sign here? Sort of like: “Nope, girl, you’ve gone through them all, just look, here is your old ex from 12 years ago….”. Scraping the bottom of the barrel, not meant in a mean way, just sort of, “being out of options”.

Of course I let go of that ridiculous thought. I mean, come on, who would think like that? It is probably just me with all of my crazy random associations that I make in my mind… It’s true I have seen a lot of familiar faces on the dating site, people who were there many years ago, too… but I haven’t talked to them. Anyway, I waved the “barrel” thought away, like an annoying fly buzzing around my head.

Until now. 

Another old “aquaintance” contacted me on the dating site. Now, I remember this guy. (I’ll call him Mr. Recycling). I chatted with him 5 years ago, shortly before I met the Narcissist (“Hero”). And no, I do not have photographic memory, like Mike in “Suits”. I probably wouldn’t have remembered Mr. Recycling, had we only spoken very briefly. But the thing is, we chatted quite a lot back then, probably for weeks.

And his message now: “Hello, you seem to be so (generic message compliment), yada yada..”. And no, that is not me being cold hearted. I didn’t read the message, simply because I already know I’m not interested in him. The reason I ended our chatting back then, was that he was boring me to death. And, I know there’s at least one person who would agree with me (right, Deb?), that boring is about the worst thing you can be, in the dating scene… (Well no, being a narcissist is worse, but you already figured that one out by yourselves, if you know me)  😉

But, I’m just so stunned that Mr. Recycling really didn’t remember me? After all that chatting we had, almost daily, for several weeks? I mean, he must have seen my face at least 25 times.. Or is he faking that he doesn’t remember me? Do people do that, just to be able to “recycle” old potential dates? That makes me laugh, to be honest…

And the thought of the bottom of the barrel returns, again! I’m back to the same men from 5 – 12 years ago! It wouldn’t be that bad if they appeared, while at the same time, I had found a few other interesting men…. But, no interesting (new) men in sight, (yes, I’ve been actively looking) and then these old chaps pop up! I think the universe is playing a trick on me! Either that, or it’s trying to tell me something… (“You shall never find a new and interesting man on this dating site…for so it is written in my stars… mohahaha”).

So yeah…. not a lot of new adventures… just recycling.

I need to be close to someone. I need some passion and intimacy. I don’t know if I believe all that much in love anymore, but I’m still a human being, still need to be close to someone, after a long while of being alone…

It’s really bad now. Yesterday, I even had to watch “Lady Chatterley’s lover”, believe it or not. You may laugh, but hey, it’s actually a classic novel, made into a TV movie by the British television, (BBC), last year. It was quite romantic and steamy. With an..*ahem*.. “very nice” male protagonist. I would recommend it to any single who is feeling lonely.

Come on, universe! Give me a break! I am not even asking for eternity, right now. I just need something good, for the here and now. Thank you in advance!

Yours sincerely/SurvivedNarc



22 thoughts on “Recycling? Didn’t know it was THIS bad? (Dating)

  1. Hey, I may not be the right person to give dating or romantic advice, BUT, “I don’t recycle my garbage.” I have used that phrase for years. If it didn’t work out the first time, why in Lord will it work out the next? If he broke up with you once, he didn’t realize or appreciate your true value. Will he now?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, no, sweet friend! : ) this ex mentioned here is simply now an old friend… he is NOT the narcissist, thankfully.. 🙂 So no intention on his (or mine ) behalf, to go through with any continued romancing. I just am musing about that it is (apparently) so hard to find interesting (new) men. Even if i do look for new men, I don’t find any… they are either “interested but not suitable”, or “not interested, but potentially suitable”. Lol. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, “interesting but taken” is so standard on the dating sites that I guess I don’t even mention them anymore.. 😉 Handsome but gay.. yeah, sure! But.. ahem, now I really have to ask: You say: “It is getting harder and harder to find a good man. That is why I gave up long time ago. Lol.” Ahem, excuse me, but are you not in a living-together-relationship, or even marriage I believe, with..Ally?
        So ho could you “give up” , because it is “harder to find a good man”? I don’t really follow… 🙂 But I am sure I would love your explanation. :)) xo

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That was a poor attempt to bad Chimp humor. I am 100% man and I am married to Allie. So, I have never been interested in men and WILL NEVER BE. It was only a joke. LOL But here in New York, a city full of 8 million people, there have been studies that indicate this is one of the hardest cities in the world to find a man. Between the large gay population and the taken men, there aren’t many eligible “good” men out there. Now, I may be wrong, but I believe you once published a photo of your spectacular hair if I am correct. I have no doubt the heart and soul connected to that person is just as beautiful, so I have hope this intelligent butterfly will find the right person and live a life of happiness. How was that explanation? Did you like it? ;D Chimp crossing his fingers hoping that you did.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I like that explanation.. 🙂 I am very familiar with the shortage of good and eligible bachelors in NYC. After all, I did watch “Sex and the city” :), now you may laugh, but there, it is described in detail, how hard it is. Now, I do not think that is to any “real” shortage of men. I simply believe it is due to the very anonymous and/or superficial dating culture there, which is present in all cities above 500.000 inhabitants… it gets too big, too anonymous. It gets really hard for people to find each other… etc. It sucks. oh well. 🙂


  2. That picture looks SO much like some of the men who messaged me!
    I’ll take the “being in love’ thing…it would be a first. But…forget the passion and intimacy…..well, now that I think about it…that would be a first, too. LOL

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am so sorry Laurel… All i had with Narc was obviously just a charade, a game, but.. before that, I had something “real”, I guess, with mr. X…. And I do want, for both you and me, that we get to experience that, in our remaining time!! Hugs 🙂


      1. I gave three or four of “my guys” the kiss-off. One of them were okay with it but coupled it with the “I can change.” (Like trade your eighteen-wheeler for a Porshe?) LOL
        The others let me know that I was the one missing out on (as they put it….”ME.”) If they thought so highly of themselves, maybe they could have put a shirt on! HA.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I will just say that is one reason I’m looking forward to the move. I feel like I’ve been looking at the same pool of BORING men now for years. I was off the sites during Scott and when I came back, same faces, different day, lol.

    Yes boring is the kiss of death. UGH. Even good looking men who are boring, no thanks!!!

    But there have to be some around your city. Have to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha, just as I am reading this, I am actually speaking to a man that lives soooo far away from where I live. Kind of proved my point, hahaha.. 😉 Nah, I will keep hope that there must be someone interesting nearby here, hopefully…. Yes I am so excited to see how it goes for you when you move… lots of non-boring men there I hope! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Dating site produced my malignant narc to me, so I avoid them now. But, I do see their value and no many who have met successfully from one. Plus, I am avoiding all men and relationships, so that way I avoid attracting the types that are attracted to me. I know several men who still like me are attracted to me from years ago, I just can’t seem to reach out to them anymore. I saw one this week and I was so focused on not being overly attentive, I might have hurt his feelings. By me then all earring cold and detached. But, we talk lots and laugh and reminded, so that is wonderful…I just wouldn’t allow any physical contact from him.
    Oooh, add this to your employment possibilities, groundskeeper to large country estate ❤️❤️must be a nature lover, be fully invested In the mistress of the manor, and romantic in nature and rugged in exterior…yes quite the steamy novel and adaptations of such..

    Hugs sweetie. It is odd that those men reconnected with you.i think that other fella was faking memory loss and recollection, Mayen thought you didn’t recall him either, ego play Perhaps.
    Stay strong and determined ..he is out there, now to find him ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes…. it is so hard to trust men again… and dating sites, I agree, there are a lot of Narcs there, unfortunately…
      I keep talking to men onthe sites anyway, just to practice my skills to talk to men, tee hee. 🙂 Who knows what will happen. I think something good must happen soon… it will be spring soon. I wish for you also to be able to heal and fall in love again, after some time has passed. Hugs!


  5. I so understand where you are coming from. The first 2-3 months on OkC felt exactly the same. Same guys, same faces. Of course, I hadn’t dated any of them before but just the lack of variety was discouraging. It wasn’t until the 4-5th months where I started getting more “interests” consistently. But you do have to go through a lot of guys! I rarely looked for guys on the site just because I found that the ones I was interested in would never message me back, save for one. It’ll take time. But someone interesting will come along. Keep hope. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for making me see that it is not just me.. 🙂
      yeah, it feels a bit boring when nothing happens. But next month will hopefully be better, then spring comes, so everyone gets a bit more open, and interested in meeting new people, hopefully. I have only initiated contact with 2 guys and none of them replied. Lol. But a couple of semi-interesting guys have contacted me now… but I don’think anything will come of it. I am putting my hopes in spring time, to see more action. 🙂 hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s exactly what happened to me. Semi interesting guys contacting me. Those are the ones I’ve gone out with. The ones I’m really interested in, no response. It’s not just you. Like you said, hopefully with spring and summer coming, more potentials will pop up. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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